Have Yourself a Murderous Little Christmas
by Franchise
Summary: A new game has started but this time with a yuletide twist. Can Battler figure out the source of the holiday horrors or will Beatrice end up with all the presents in the end?


As the new game started and Battler appeared in a flash of light in the witch's chamber, he looked around in surprise and asked the most obvious question.

"Why is there a Christmas tree here?"

Indeed there was quite a large green Christmas tree dead center in the room. The fir tree almost touched the ceiling and was decked out in lights, garland, ornaments, and a bright shiny star at the very top. A few other directions like wreaths holly and extra lights were spread around the sides of the room.

On the other side of the room, there was a flash of golden butterflies appeared before revealing Beatrice the endless witch. "Why wouldn't we have a tree here when it's Christmas, stupid?" she asked Battler.

"Christmas? It's not Christmas, we're still in the month of October. How the hell can it be Christmas?"

"Battler," Virgilia appeared next to the confused young man. "Time doesn't flow here like it would in the normal world. If a witch desires it, she can make it anytime of the year really"

"Yes, and I've decided that it's now Christmas time. So there" Beatrice said as she snapped her fingers.

A flash of light and Beatrice's dress changed color from her usual one to a bright red dress with white fur trim. But this was not only change in appearances.

Battler looked up to find a Santa Claus hat sitting on top of his head. He tried to take it off but something was holding it in place there. Virgilia at the same time was giving her student a displeased look as her hat was gone and was replaced by a pair of reindeer antlers and a fake bright red nose.

"Change me back right now!" A new voice suddenly echoed.

"Gretel? You're here to?" Battler asked.

Gretel aka Ange aka Battler's twelve years from the future sister who the poor boy can't even recognize for some reason appeared with a pissed off look on her face. The reason was quite obvious as Ange's usual outfit was gone and was replaced by a green felt cap, tunic, skirt, red and white striped stockings and a pair of green pointy shoes with bells at the end.

Battler took one look at Gretel the elf and quickly covered his mouth his hands trying to stifle his laughter. Ange could still hear it though as she glared at Beatrice silently repeating her order.

The Endless Witch just shook her head no. "Sorry, but you're just too adorable in that thing. Besides, it's the perfect outfit for Battler's little helper"

Ange grumbled and took a seat next to Battler while Virgilia sat down besides Beatrice. At the same moment Bernkastel and Lambdadelta appeared in chairs off to the side completing the gathered players for this game.

"Can we get a move on?" Lambdadelta complained, "I don't want to waste time with all this Christmas crap"

Bernkastel gave her rival a knowing look, "Didn't you say that you wanted to eat a lot of Christmas sweets earlier?" she asked.

Ronvoe purposely appeared at this very moment with a tray of cookies in his hand. "Your snack as you requested milady"

Lambdadelta glared angrily back at all the smirking faces staring back at her. "Not one word" she warned as she grabbed a gingerbread man and promptly bit its head off.

Beatrice smiled as she took a puff from her pipe. "Now then, let's get this game started, shall we?"

* * *

- October…no wait December of 1986 -

"Oh Shannon, you're so lovely" the real world Battler cried out as he laid eyes on the pretty maid. "Are you going to wear a bow and be my Christmas present?"

Shannon took a nervous step back while Jessica reached over and grabbed Battler by his winter jacket's collar. "You haven't changed a bit have you?"

"Sure I have. Well maybe not as much as you have" Battler said with a grin as he turned and looked straight at is cousin's chest.

George sighed as Jessica tried to punch Battler's lights out. He leaned down so he could speak to the youngest family member. "Are you excited about the holidays Maria?"

The nine year old smiled happily while holding a candy cane in her hand. "Yup, Santa and Beatrice are going to come and give me lots of presents uuuuuu"

Rosa glanced down at her daughter as she walked by. "Maria, please stop talking about that silly witch legend" she scoffed.

"A witch that comes at Christmas? Well that's different" George supplied as he looked back at the rest of the group, "We should all head inside, there's suppose to be a really bad blizzard that's going to hit tonight"

As the group headed inside, Jessica looked over at Battler, "It's a shame that your sister couldn't come"

Battler nodded. "Yeah, Ange was really sick though. Still some of Kyrie's relatives are looking after her so I'm sure she will have a great Christmas with them"

* * *

"All they ever did was feed me horrible tasting porridge and gave me socks as a gift every single year" Ange complained.

"What was that Gretel?" Battler asked looking over at her.

"Nothing"

* * *

Once inside, the Ushiromiya family fell into the same routine as so many games before. The kids played some games, the servants did servant type things and the adults held their yearly conference by arguing over who would get the best presents from their father. Speaking of the father, Kinzo Ushiromiya was also repeating a very similar scene.

"Beatrice, I am waiting" Kinzo yelled out as he looked out the window of his room at the raging snowstorm. "Come back to me. I shall first return this to you!"

Kinzo slid the ring off his finger which contained the Ushiromiya family seal. He then pushed his hands against the window in order to open them so he could hurl the ring into the snow. Except that nothing happened.

"What?" Kinzo asked as he tried the window a few more times, "Curses, the latch is frozen and stuck again!"

Downstairs, Gohda was busy preparing a large dinner for all the guests. As he put the finishing touches on the Christmas turkey, he heard the sounds of footsteps coming from behind him.

"Excuse me" Gohda turned around at the unfamiliar voice and saw Ronvoe standing there. "My name is Ronvoe. I'm here to replace you as the head cook for the family"

Gohda was shocked. "I can't be fired. I was personally hired for this position and am a gourmet chef"

"Oh really?" Ronvoe asked with a chuckle, "I have tasted some of your meals and I would have assumed you were previously employed at some sort of greasy burger joint"

"How dare you! This has always been my kitchen and I refuse to give it up without a fight!"

"As you wish" Ronvoe said as a trio of Goat Butlers appeared behind him.

At the sight of the monsters, Gohda started backing up in fear bumping up against the fridge. At the same moment Genji walked into the kitchen.

"Gohda, do you need any help with…" Genji stopped as he saw the new people in the kitchen, "Ronvoe"

Ronvoe turned and looked over at his fellow butler. "Genji, it's good to see you again"

"Likewise. It is the first twilight?"

"Yes"

A sigh, "Must I really be killed off so soon?"

"I'm afraid so"

"Hello there, I was wondering if I could get a small snack before dinner" Hideyoshi asked he walked into the kitchen, not even noticing the creatures from Hell.

"There are no snacks before dinner" Natushi argued coming right behind him. "Gohda, I want you to add a few things to the menu for tonight"

"Honey, have you seen George?" Eva asked, "That maid was around him again and I don't want her trying to seduce our poor innocent son"

"BEATRICE!" Kinzo screamed as he shoved everyone out of his way to get into the room, "I'll be with you as soon as I find an ice pick!"

As everyone started talking at once, Ronvoe looked around the now very crowded kitchen and did a quick head count. "Six people, well this is quite coincidental and convenient"

Later on, Shannon and Kanon were leading the rest of the family towards the dining room. As the group walked there, Jessica couldn't help but notice how close George and Shannon were standing by each other not to mention the ring that Shannon now had on her finger. A happy smile appeared on her face as she looked over at Kanon and playfully held up her ring finger to show the boy that it was still bare.

Kanon quickly found a reason to look in the opposite direction and began to walk twice as fast. Jessica was disappointed but then suddenly stopped, thinking of something. "Wait a minute, where's Maria?"

"Actually I haven't seen her for a while now" George remarked.

A very nervous look suddenly formed on Rosa's face.

- A little while earlier -

"Santa and Beatrice are both coming, Santa and Beatrice are both coming, Santa and Beatrice are both coming" Maria continued to chant even as her mother dragged back towards the mansion to come in.

"Would you stop going on about your stupid Santa and your stupid witches" Rosa shouted back, "You're embarrassing me by acting like this!"

"But Mommy, they're coming. I want to wait for them" Maria argued.

"Fine! Then you can say out here in the snow and wait for them. Come back in when you're ready to behave like a good little girl"

"Uuuuuu…"

Rosa furiously stormed off slamming the front door behind her and not looking back. Maria barely noticed as she was too busy humming a mixture of Halloween and Christmas tunes. She continued to stand in the snow patiently waiting for her expected arrivals not noticing that more snow was falling now and that the storm was picking up.

"I'll be right back" Rosa said as she raced back towards the front door. As she left the rest of the family gave each other knowing looks.

"I don't suppose anyone got her a book on parenting as a gift this year?" Rudolf asked sadly.

Several hands shot up.

"Even better, I got her a book on cassette tape. Figured there was a better chance of her listening to that then trying to get her to read" Battler said.

"Good idea son"

"Thanks dad"

Hungry, the group quickly headed into the dining room to eat, completely missing the bloody occult symbols drawn on the door. Inside the table was set for everyone with plates set out and glasses of red wine already poured. All the main food dishes were covered by silver trays and between them was a single envelope with the family seal on it.

Kyrie reached for one of the wine glasses and took a sip of the liquid before promptly spitting it back out.

"What's wrong?" Krauss asked.

"That wine is horrible. It almost tastes like blood"

Krauss and Rudolf tried sips of their own and likewise spitted it out. "I think this actually is blood"

Silence followed as the family began to look at one another while reaching for the silver trays.

If there was a world record simultaneous instances of screaming and throwing up during a dinner meal, then this one would have placed second or third. Each of the dishes was a classic Christmas dish with an extra ingredient. There was a large turkey stuffed full of Genji, a lovely ham glazed with fat from Hideyoshi, mashed potatoes along with the mashed brains of Eva, mixed vegetables that were mixed up with the chopped up organs of Natushi, some yams which were actually just yams, and for dessert pie a la Kinzo's twelve toes. Each dish also had a portion of the murdered person's face besides it so everyone would be able to identify who was who and choose their favourite relative to eat.

"Mama…I'm cold"

"Don't worry Maria. Hypothermia is healthy for a young child to get. And where did you get that shovel?"

"Beatrice gave it to me"

Rosa stepped into the dining room passed a sobbing George and nearly slipped on Battler's puke. As she looked at the table she immediately screamed in terror. "What are those yams doing here?" A moment later after Rudolf pointed out the other dishes, Rosa screamed again.

At the same time Maria let out a creepy laugh in between her teeth chattering. When everyone looked back at her, she clutched her newfound red shovel in one hand and pointed up with her other one. Everyone slowly looked and see the cut ridden corpse of Ghoda attached by wires to the chandelier.

"Beatrice was here" She announced happily.

* * *

Beatrice took a puff from her long pipe before sending an evil look at her opponent. "So Battler, what do you think of my first murders, hmm?"

"Man, these Christmas cookies are the best" Battler said.

Beatrice glared as her opponents were snacking on cookies and treats while not paying any attention to her.

"This cocoa is also good," Ange remarked as she took a refreshing sip from her cup.

"Hey Ronvoe, is there anyway I can just acknowledge your amazing cooking skills and nothing else?'

"Oh you flatter me too much"

"Excuse me" Beatrice yelled out, "I'm committing some murders over here!"

Battler took one last bite before looking over at the witch, "So what? This isn't really any different from your earlier games. Six people are dead; anyone with out an alibi could have done it, there's nothing supernatural about it, and so on. It's really predictable by now"

Ange laughed at the witch's angry face. "I'm surprised you didn't start off with one of your red text statements about the number of people on the island. Did you forget?"

"No" Beatrice lied, "But since you asked for it…Before the first murder there were exactly eighteen humans alive on the island"

"Boring" Ange said as she rolled her eyes at the red text.

"Yeah, can we keep going?" Battler asked.

"…Fine"

* * *

George slowly crept through the bedroom heading towards the door, hoping not to wake up any of his cousins. His hand was just started to twist the knob when a voice called out to him.

"Where are you going?" Battler asked his eyes opened from the chair he had been dozing in.

George glanced over at the bed where Jessica and Maria were thankfully still asleep with Maria cuddling her new found shovel like a teddy bear. "Kanon slipped me a note earlier asking me to meet him at the chapel"

"And you're going to go there by yourself?" Battler questioned.

"He asked me to and he might know something about who did that to my parents"

Battler double checked to make sure Jessica was still asleep before saying what was on his mind. "And what if Kanon is the one who did it?"

A rare hint of rage appeared on George's face. "Then I'll do what is necessary"

"Be careful out there man. You don't want to make your pretty little maid into a widow this early"

George managed a small laugh. "I'll be careful. Besides it's probably nothing and I'll be back in a few minutes"

Ten minutes later…

"George, run for it!" Kanon screamed out as the goat butlers advanced towards them. "I'll try to hold them off!"

Summoning a red blade of light Kanon charged at the creatures even though he was hopelessly outnumbered. George hurried towards the chapel doors leading outside in order to get help. However as he was halfway there, a beam of light came out of nowhere and went straight through his forehead killing him instantly. Kanon glanced back in shock only for another shot to strike him in the same spot taking him out of the game as well.

As the two dead bodies were tossed side by side, Siesta 410 and Siesta 45 appeared besides them. The two bunny girls looked over the corpses before giving one another a congratulatory high five for a job well done.

"Boom, headshot!" Siesta 410 cheered.

The next morning everyone gathered in the chapel after finding the bodies. While Jessica and Shannon cried together over their respective lost loves, Battler slammed his fist into a nearby wall.

"Damn it George, I told you to be careful. I promise that I will find out whoever did this and make sure justice is served. I also promise not to pick up Shannon while she is on the rebound…well unless she initiates it. You would understand if that was the situation, right man?"

"Something doesn't seem right about this" Rudolf said as he looked at the bodies and then back at the door they had broken down. "The entrance to this place was locked from the outside. Nanjo, did Kanon have his key to the door on him?"

The physician looked up from the dead bodies he had been examining. "No he didn't have it"

"Well someone must have had one of the keys" Kyrie mused. As Shannon was still grieving, she addressed the only other remaining servant. "Kumasawa, where are the other keys?"

"I don't know" the old woman explained nervously, "When master Battler explained the situation, I went to get one the keys but I found them all missing from where they are kept"

"Wait what's that?" Rosa asked as she noticed a small present in gold wrapping just behind the corpses. Picking it up, Rosa saw it a small tag on it reading, to: anyone left alive, from: Beatrice, the endless witch. She slowly reached to pull off the ribbon.

* * *

The twisted smile on Beatrice's face allowed to Battler to guess what was in the box and sure enough he was right. It was every single servant's key in the home together even Kanon's. The witch had set up a damn locked room murder, again.

* * *

Krauss picked up the keys and stepped outside. The blizzard was still going strong and you could only see a few feet in front of you. One at the time he hurled each key off into a different direction.

"What are you doing brother?" Rudolf asked.

"Keeping us safe" He explained. "Someone here is obviously a murderer and we're trapped until the blizzard is gone and the boat can return. By getting rid of the keys, we can lock our bedroom doors and have some defence against whoever the killer is"

* * *

Ange spoke up at this point, "This could be a ploy by Krauss. He could have made a copy of one of the keys beforehand"

"No copies of the keys have been made. All of the keys in the box are the only ones on the island" Beatrice countered in red.

"Well then, maybe Krauss secretly kept one of the keys and just threw the rest of them"

"All the keys have been thrown into the snow. Also the blizzard will make it impossible for any of the keys to be found"

Ange went silent as she tried to think of another explanation.

"You have no more ideas…too bad"

* * *

Kumasawa backed up from the pounding door scared for her life. The door was locked but by the way the person on the other side was hitting it, the wood might break at any moment.

"Who's out there? Master Krauss, Battler, some Mummers? You are not allowed in!"

The hard knocking continued for another minute before coming to an unexpected stop. Kumasawa was relieved and turned around only to be filled with fear once more as she saw a girl floating in the middle of her room.

"Who…are…you?"

The pale haired girl grinned. "I'm Satan, the ghost of Christmas past. I have come to tell you that as of right now, you life is nothing but a past existence"

The old woman had no hope of defending herself as the stake shot forward.

In another room, Rudolf knelt down by the side of his bed, hands clasped together. He lowered his head, closed his eyes and began to pray.

"God, it's me Rudolf. I know that I do not speak to you often nor should I considering all the sinful things I have done in the past with Asumu, Kyrie, and countless other women. But I am not here praying for myself. There is a murderer on the island and I only wish that my wife and son stay safe. So please, God if there is any divine intervention you can do, please keep my wife and son safe from harm. Thank you and amen"

Rudolf opened his eyes and was surprised to see Leviathan and Asmodeus sitting on the bed looking at him. The man couldn't help but grin at the cute girls and their revealing outfits.

"Well this is not what I expected but I guess the lord does work in mysterious ways"

A few minutes later Kyrie stepped out of the adjacent bathroom while she finished drying her hair. "Are you ready for bed dear?" she asked.

Kyrie screamed as she saw just how ready for bed her husband was. Rudolf's body was nude and lying on top of the bed with two large stab wounds, one through his chest, the other through his manhood.

Krauss quickly shut the door to Kumasawa's room behind him. Everyone else was in the hallway and they did not need to see more bloodshed. He shook his head no to tell them that another one had bit the dust.

"So," he asked directing his gaze towards his sister in law, "Did you kill her before or after you killed my brother?"

"I didn't kill Rudolf Kruass" Kyrie argued for the tenth time, "Flip the chessboard over for a moment. Would I really kill my husband while I was in the same room with him and did not have an airtight alibi? Come on, you all know that I'm smarter then that"

Battler mused on that for a second. "That's true but then again you know that we know that you are smart. Therefore maybe you decided to do the opposite of what you know that we know you to do so we would not know that you were the murderer"

The others looked at each other and began nodding in agreement.

Kyrie sent a dark look at her foster son. "Battler, your father and I were planning to give you a new car as a gift. If we survive this, I still have time to take it back"

"Right. Like I was saying, Kyrie is completely innocent and how dare any of you think otherwise. So what do we do now Uncle Krauss?"

"Well since my idea of locking ourselves in our rooms didn't seem to work," several glares directed at him showed that they were in agreement, "the rest of us should try to stick together no matter what. Let's go grab some food and supplies and pick out a spot to hold out"

The group started to head off with only Shannon staying put. Jessica looked back at her. "Shannon, are you all right? Are you still thinking about George?"

Shannon looked back at Jessica and was reminded that this girl was suffering from the same grief as her. She wiped a few tears from her eyes. "Yes, but it's not only that. For some reason, I can't help but think I'm forgetting about something or someone"

"I wonder how much longer Krauss wants us to stay locked in our rooms" Nanjo asked himself while turning another page in his book.

The physician was still in his room completely unaware of everything else that had happed in the last little while. After a while, Nanjo got tired of reading and decided to take a break, setting his book down. It was then that he noticed the present that was on the table. Wrapped in red paper, it was small and had a bar shape to it. As Nanjo picked it up, he also found it a bit heavy, just like a certain valuable substance that rhymes with bold.

"Oh Kinzo, thank you. After having to put you with your crap for years, you've finally decide to reward me for my hard work. May you rest in peace my old friend" he cried as he tore off the paper.

It was a good thing that nobody remembered the good doctor as no one was nearby to be hurt when the small explosion of C4 destroyed the room.

* * *

"A bomb?" Ange asked in disbelief. "Since when do you use bombs for killing people?"

"Since other people were complaining that my murders were unoriginal" Beatrice shot back at the brother and sister duo, "Besides it was clearly stated in the epitaph"

"What?"

* * *

Back before any of the murders had started, the real world Battler had taken a moment to read the riddle that was underneath the portrait of Beatrice. "At the sixth twilight, blow them to smithereens and kill? That doesn't sound right"

* * *

Meta Battler shook his head. "Fine, a bomb is no big deal. Anyone could have…"

The red text quickly came on, "No one on the island has the skill or knowledge to make a bomb"

"What? Well then perhaps…"

"The explosion was not the result of an accident or a suicide. It was the result of a bomb and it was a planned murder"

"Damn it! Stop cutting me off before I finish my theory!"

* * *

"Achoo" Marie sneezed, "Mama, I'm still cold"

"Maria, shut up for once" Rosa snapped.

"Actually it feels like it's gotten lot colder" Jessica agreed and she looked around the living room where everyone was held up now.

Krauss thought about this, "There could be something wrong with the incinerator downstairs. One of us will have to go down and check on it"

"Now hold on a second" Battler protested. "A little while ago you said we should stick together no matter what. Why are you changing your mind now?"

"Battler, if there is someone else killing people here, they could be waiting for us down there. It would be foolish to risk all of our lives. And if the killer is one of us then a single person by themselves is guaranteed to be safe"

"Well, I guess that makes sense. In that case, not it!"

"Not it!" Krauss, Kyrie, Jessica and Maria called out right after him.

"Err, I'm on my scheduled union break right now" Shannon added on.

"Not…" Rosa began to say, "Crap. Fine, I'll go but I'm taking the shotgun with me for my protection"

Rosa took the weapon and walked out of the room before anyone could protest.

"Stupid no good family," she complained as she headed into the basement, "Sometimes I wish, I really could kill them all"

The basement was dark and Rosa was not paying that much attention so she tripped on the steps and fell to the floor hard causing the shotgun to slide across the room. As Rosa crawled around trying to find it, a while gloved hand came into her view.

"May I help you up?"

"Thank you, I…" Rosa stopped speaking as the polite smiling face of Ronvoe appeared in front of her and gulped instead.

Upstairs, Kyrie stopped rubbing her hands together. "Hey I think it's starting to warm back up in here"

"Rosa must have found something to toss into the incinerator" Krauss said. "You did a good job for once sister"

At that moment one of the windows broke as something was thrown through it from outside. The snow and wind followed through the hole and everyone was cold again in a matter of seconds.

Battler quickly went to look at the object. It was a wrapped up bunch of clothes, more specifically Aunt Rosa's clothing. And in the center of the bundle Battler found the object that caused the glass to break: Rosa's severed right hand.

* * *

Back in the game room, Battler rose from his seat, a confident look on his face. "This is just the chance I've been waiting for. This is a set up. Aunt Rosa is behind the murders and faked her death. The clothing and the hand are a trick to make us think she was just killed"

Beatrice just smiled smugly before using her festive coloured text once more. "The severed hand belongs to Rosa. The clothes are hers as well"

"That doesn't disprove my theory" Battler argued, "It just means that she went to greater lengths to fake her death!"

"Rosa did not cut off her own hand. Rosa did not choose to strip either"

Battler groaned as he tried to think of something else, anything else. "Well maybe there was a trap"

"A trap?" Beatrice asked a bit surprised.

Battler nodded "That's right, a death trap. The entire island is set up with diabolical death traps and the murder isn't even on the island at all. He or she is a psychopathic serial killer who set up the traps before and is communicating by video or tape recordings where each of us has to beat the killer's sick and twisted games or die in the process!"

Silence followed as all the witches turned and stared blankly at Battler. A moment later, they all burst out laughing.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response hahaha" Beatrice laughed trying to compose herself and failing.

Battler slumped back down into his seat. Ange quickly leaned over and whacked him in the back of the head.

"Don't go wasting time with such stupid theories" she yelled.

"I thought elves were supposed to be nice and helpful" Battler grumbled.

That comment earned him another whack.

* * *

Krauss looked over at his daughter, "Jessica, due to the err delicate situation we find ourselves in I think it would be best if I gave you your Christmas present now"

Krauss handed a small package over to his daughter to unwrap. Jessica screamed in delight when she saw the contents. "A new set of brass knuckles and they have spikes on them! Oh dad it's perfect"

Despite all the recent horror and death, Kruass managed to form a smile as his daughter tried the brass knuckles on and gave him a big hug. "I'm glad you like them sweetie. Just promise to defend your dear old man to the death with them, okay?"

"Maria, I'm so sorry about your mother" Kyrie said as she wrapped her arms around the obviously traumatised girl.

"Uuuuu…will you be my new Mama?" Maria asked calmly.

Kyrie tightened her hug as a few tears dripped down her face. "Of course sweetie"

"Yay, thank you new Mama"

"Don't worry Maria. I'll watch you all the time and make sure nothing bad happens to you"

Kyrie never got a response as a black portal appeared right underneath Marie's feet causing her to fall in and vanish. Kyrie looked round in confusion wondering where the girl had gone.

Outside the mansion Maria fell out into the garden landing on a patch of ice. Crying out in pain the girl tried to pull herself up. As she did she noticed a pair of red heeled boots standing in front of her.

Gaap smirked as the pulled Maria on to her feet. "Sorry kid but it looks like you drew the short straw" she said laughing at her own joke.

"Uuuu…I want to see Beatrice" the girl complained while shivering.

Gaap flipped her hair back a bit. "Oh she'll be here quite soon. In the meantime, why don't the two of us play for a bit? You can help me make a snowman"

"Hmm…okay" Maria said happily.

"Good. Now Maria, this is going to be a special magical snowman. To help me out, I need you to stand there and give the biggest smile you can, okay?" As she spoke Gaap quickly cast a portal underneath a nearby large snow bank causing all the white stuff to disappear from that spot.

"Is this good?" Maria asked with her body spread out and her smile wide.

"Perfect"

A portal appeared above in the air and dumped all the snow on top of Maria. After it was done there was a new pile of snow with Maria buried inside of it. Only the top of her head was sticking out from it. Maria began to try and call out for help but Gaap quickly grabbed a hold of her jaw.

"Snowmen can't talk" she explained as she started to stuff snow into Maria's opened mouth and did not stop until it was completely full and the girl couldn't even make the tiniest sound.

Gaap stepped back and admired her handiwork. Maria fearful face was quite cute with the tears coming down her chin while she froze to death and suffocated all at the same time. Something still seemed off though. A moment of inspiration came to her and Gaap took off her hat carefully placing it on top of Maria. Now the look was complete"

"Have fun, my little snowman" Gaap said as she disappeared into another portal.

"She was here a second ago" Kyrie eyes darted back and forth trying to find Maria, her voice panicking "Maria, where are you? Mommy is here for you. Oh god, Beatrice must have gotten her!"

Battler hurried to her foster mother and gave her a light slap on the face. "Snap out of it Kyrie. There are no such things as witches or magic, you know that. What happened to flip the chessboard?"

"Battler, the frigging chessboard has been flipped, put on its side, turned ninety degrees and reshaped into the form of a pretzel! We are being killed off one by one and its being done by a fucking witch! It's the only explanation!"

"Well, at least one of you will finally admit it" A new voice said laughing loudly.

As the golden butterflies began to fly all over the room, Beatrice appeared before the scared family grinning wickedly. "It's too late for all of you. The ninth twilight has arrived and I have been revived. I expected more of a challenge from you fools. None of you even tried to solve the epitaph"

Several eyes blinked in confusion at the witch.

"You wanted us to solve the epitaph?" Jessica asked.

"Yes," Beatrice replied gritting her teeth, "Didn't you read the letter I left for you after you discovered the first bodies?"

"There was a letter there?"

Shannon let out a small squeak. Tell everyone else about the letter in the dining room. That's what she had forgotten to do.

"Look we were too concerned with our family's death to worry about some stupid letter," Battler explained before pointing an accusing finger at Beatrice, "Besides it doesn't matter because this all some sort of trick"

"Oh you still don't believe in me Battler? Well, maybe this will change your mind. Lucifer, would be kind enough to give our victims a little performance?"

The stake representing the sin of pride appeared in front of Beatrice, ironically dressed up as an angel with fake feathery wings and a gold halo resting on top of her black hair. Taking a moment to clear her throat, the stake took a deep breath and began to sing.

"On the ninth twilight, the endless witch gave to me…Nine goat butlers"

The Goats appeared and immediately began charged forward to attack. Jessica met them head on with her new brass knuckles fighting them back. Kyrie grabbed a hold of Maria's discarded shovel to defend herself with while Battler used a nearby wooden chair. Krauss just stood there trembling like a coward and Shannon being quite loyal (despite the fact she never got a Christmas bonus) started to create a barrier to protect him.

"Eight carolling corpses"

All of the dead members of the Ushiromiya family appeared behind Beatrice and Lucifer joining in the singing. Many of their bodies were in the same condition as when they had died with Rosa being a one handed, naked, charred skeleton and Maria still having snow packed into her mouth. Despite this everyone was able to sing perfectly and in tune as well.

"Seven sinful sisters"

Leviathan, Satan, Belphegor, Mammon, Beelzebub, and Asmodeus appeared inn their usual outfits knelt down in front of their sister.

"Six stabbing stakes"

The six of them changed into their stakes form and shot forward. Two of them slammed into Shannon's barrier which had still not fully formed. After a few moments it was destroyed and Shannon had to quickly duck in order to avoid being stabbed. Meanwhile another three stakes quickly destroyed Jessica, Kyrie, and Battler's weapons while the final one stabbed Kruass in the chest. Krauss's hands move quickly to the spot trying to keep his blood and guts from spilling out.

"Father" Jessica screamed out.

"Five hopeless humans"

With the group now defenceless, the goat butlers pressed their attack and quickly overpowered the group. Several punches and kicks were dealt to each of them before they were roughly tossed on to the floor. Despite the fact that Krauss was already close to death, one of the butlers decided to finish the job more quickly by strangling him with their bare hands.

"Four severed limbs"

Four of the stakes struck again and Battler screamed out in agonizing pain as his arms and legs were cut off from the rest of his body.

"Three slave girls"

Shannon, Kyrie, and Jessica were all forced back on to their feet as the butlers attached metal shackles to their hands and ankles along with a metal collar around each of their necks. Each of the girls was then thrown over the shoulder of one the goats and carried off to parts unknown all the while desperately struggling and screaming out for Battler.

"Two loyal servants"

Ronvoe and Gaap appeared besides the limbless Battler. The two of them lifted up Battler up and carried him towards the centre of the room.

"And a defeated Battler in a Christmas tree"

Working together, the two of them attached Battler to the tree using several sets of blinking Christmas lights to hold him in place. Once they made sure he was secure, Gaap dropped a piece of mistletoe on to his head and gave him a light kiss on the cheek before stepping away. As Beatrice marched forward all of her servants and corpses started to applaud and cheer for the endless witch. Battler was still out of it due to the damage to his body and he could only stare blankly as Beatrice leaned in close to his face.

"I win" she whispered before giving the hopeless young man a deep, passionate kiss.

* * *

"Hahahahahaha" Beatrice laughed, her voice echoing off the walls of the small room. "So what do you say now Battler?" Do you have way to explain my murders without admitting it was magic? Well, do you?"

Battler clutched his aching head with both his hands. He was trying to think of something to explain all of this. Some little hint, some minor detail that he had missed. But there was nothing.

"I don't know" his admitted in a voice filled with despair.

Gretel. The loyal elf was his last hope. Surely she had an answer to all of this. Battler turned in his seat to look over at his savoir.

"It's useless, we're completely screwed" Ange moaned while clutching her head in a similar fashion to Battler.

"Give it up Battler. You're never going to defeat me. Just give it up and accept that I am real. You're suffering will be at an end in the golden land and you can finally have peace. Doesn't that sound like a good way to ring in the New Year?"

Battler stayed in his seat silent and unmoving. He just stared blankly at the Christmas tree. Ange and the witches watched his face the entire time wondering what his response would be.

"You're right" Battler finally admitted as he slowly got out of his seat, his voice sad, tired, and hollow. "I can't beat you so I'll admit it"

"No" Ange said in a small whisper while trying not to cry.

Beatrice "Then that means I win. I've finally defeated you Battler!"

"Yeah that's right you win. By the way Beatrice, before I admit it, there was just one more thing"

"Oh and what is that Battler?" Beatrice asked in too much of a good mood to care now.

Battler looked straight into the eyes of the endless witch and said a single word, "Yams"

"Yams? What yams?" Beatrice asked completely confused.

"Yams" Battler repeated with a small chuckle as his voice grew more confident, his lips moved upward into a smirk and his eyes shone with their usual determination. "That's what I missed before. That is the one clue I needed in order to close this case and defeat you once and for all Beatrice!"

"What?"

"Virgilia, can you take us back to the first twilight please?"

"Very well" Virgilia the silver haired reindeer witch said the room changed into a copy of the first murder scene with all the corpses in their original spots.

Battler quickly pointed to a plate of yams. "Now in any normal family, yams would not be a big deal during a big meal. But it is in this family. You see, Aunt Rosa has an insane phobia of yams, the mere sight of them sends her into a screaming panic. Ghoda is fully aware of this and knows that if Aunt Rosa is here to leave that item off the menu. And considering that Ghoda was a professional chef, he would never make such an error"

Reaching into a pocket, Battler pulled out a magnifying glass and gestured for everyone else to look up.

"Let's have a closer look at our beloved chef, shall we? First off there are his fingers which are very stiff despite only being dead for a few hours at that time. Also notice that Ghoda's had several cuts all over him and that he was hanging horizontally face down from the ceiling. Those cuts should have caused blood to drip from the body directly down on to the table and floor. However, there is no blood to be found. Instead…" Battler moved his magnifying glass closer to the table to show some tiny marks on the table cloth, "We have water droplets instead"

"That's all I needed to see here" Battler explained as the room changed back into normal. "Are you ready for my explanation? Here it is in the blue text. Either on purpose or from an accident, Ghoda was killed a few days prior to the rest of the people arriving on the island. Jessica would have been away at school during this time but her parents, Kinzo, and all the servants were there and witnessed the act. In order to not get sent to jail, they all agreed to pretend that Ghoda was still alive and just take turns cooking the meals to maintain this illusion until they could fake him quitting his post and dispose of the body. Ghoda's body was stored outside underneath a snow bank. This explained the stiff fingers as the corpse ended up with frostbite as well as the blood not dripping due to the fact that it had coagulated while in the cold"

"Are you sure that's the correct term?" Ange asked.

"Don't stop me Gretel, I'm on a roll. Since you clearly stated eighteen people were alive on the island and Ghoda was already dead, then there is a mystery eighteenth person. That person, person X is the one that committed all the murders of my family!"

"That's your big theory Battler?" Beatrice asked in disappointment, "Suppose you're correct and you have this person X commit all the murders. That still gives you no way to explain all of the locked room mysteries that I have created"

"Objection!" Battler argued loudly, "The locked room mysteries are easy to solve when you consider the identity of person X"

"The identity?" Beatrice gasped.

"That's right. The eighteenth person is a very specific one with motive, opportunity, and skill to commit these murders. I've examined all the clues and I know what the one truth is that will now prevail!"

Ange stared at her brother in amazement and awe. He had done it. He had finally figured everything out and this nightmare was going to come to an end once and for all.

"The eighteenth person is Santa Claus!"

"What the hell?" Ange blurted out wondering if the two of them were even related at all.

The other witches had similar reactions with Beatrice's eyes bulging out, Bernkastel raising an eyebrow, and Lambdadelta choking on her cookie.

"Here's how the murders went down. Ghoda was a good little boy growing up and always baked the tastiest cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve. So, after he was killed, Santa decided to grant Ghoda one last Christmas wish by delivering swift and brutal justice to the ones responsible. He arrived by sleigh on the same day as the rest of us and ambushed Kinzo, Natsuhi, and Genji while they were cooking supper and killed them. It was all going according to plan but then Hideyoshi and Eva walked in and saw him. Having a reputation to maintain, Santa had no choice but to kill them as well. It was then that something changed in Santa. Maybe it was the stress, maybe it was all the blood but he decided at that point that he enjoyed killing and wanted to kill some more. Santa had lost it and therefore decided that the entire family was naughty and had to be punished. While the rest of us were waiting for dinner, Santa set up the gruesome meals and moved Ghoda's body with them so we wouldn't think there was anything different with his murder compared to the other victims. He then snuck through the guest house and stole all the master keys. While in Dr. Nanjo's room he planted the bomb that had been previously made by his elves so that would be one less target to deal with later. He also made a pit stop at Aunt Natushi's room and stole some of her clothes and makeup. Once back outside he used these to disguise himself as a woman. He found Maria, pretended to be Beatrice and then handed her a shovel so that she would tell us and we would all think there was either another woman or a supernatural witch on the island, diverting further suspicion from jolly old St. Nick"

Battler stopped to take a breath as he had been speaking for a while. Ronvoe appeared and passed him a cup of water which Battler thanked him for. Taking a few sips, he continued with the deduction.

"This brings us to the so called second twilight. After the first set of murders, Kanon realized that someone was after them. He set up a secret meeting with George where he was going to tell him everything in the hopes that George would be willing to provide protection for him and Shannon. Sadly, Santa was lying in wait on top of the roof with a sniper rifle. The church was old so it was easy enough to create a small hole on the roof and shoot the two of them in the head. He then dropped the gift containing all the keys down by their bodies once again making it seem like it was Beatrice and making us think the two of them were killed in a sealed off area. The other locked rooms were even simpler. With his incredible climbing skills, Santa just went to Kumasawa's and my dad's window and convinced them to let him in by saying that he was here to rescue them and give them gifts. After he killed each of them, he exited the room the same way closing the window behind them. Rosa's murder was easy as he just waited in the dark basement and ambushed her when she came down there. For Maria's killing it was all about misdirection. Before tossing Rosa into the incinerator, he removed her clothes and one of her hands which he then tossed through the window where we were. While we all distracted by checking out the hand, Santa slipped in through the window, grabbed a hold of Maria stuffing her into his toy sack and then climbed up the chimney with none of us the wiser. On the roof he tossed poor Maria into the deepest patch of snow he could find to guarantee her death. By this point only five of us were left and Santa was getting impatient, so he just set his ravenous reindeer loose upon on. As the reindeers attacked one of them stabbed Krauss in the chest with its antler while another crushed his throat with its mighty hoof. Donner and Blitzen were hungry so they ate my arms and legs and then left me to die. Lastly the reindeers dragged Shannon, Kyrie, and Jessica back to their evil master. Now I'm sure you all want to know the reason for this"

"No" the rest of them responded.

"Why it's elementary my dear Beato. Even though he was in an insane psychopathic state, Santa still had a thing for the ladies. Therefore he decided to spare these three lovely beauties in exchange for them keeping him company on his long sleigh rides to and from the North Pole. And with that Beatrice I have solved all the mysteries and have won the game. Checkmate"

No one said anything for a few minutes. Beatrice slowly reached for her pipe and took a smoke while looking at her opposition who was standing confident across from her.

"Battler" she said slowly, "You are a fool! You have just handed victory to me!"

"What are you talking about? I just solved everything!"

"You did so by acknowledging Santa Claus, a magical being. By doing so, you are acknowledging that magic and in connection with that, witches are real and exist!"

Battler glared back at the endless witch, "You're wrong! I did not acknowledge anything magical involving Santa. He's an old fat guy that lives up north with an obsessive interest in little children who is worshipped by a cult of midget craftsmen who also conduct experiments on the local reindeer in the area of genetic crossbreeding to give them the power of flight"

"That doesn't explain him being able to carry all the toys with him and deliver them in one night. Santa Claus is magical"

"He is not!"

"Is to!"

"Is not!"

"Is to"

"Is not"

Ange turned and looked at the other witches. "This is all stupid and I really don't want to ask this but…which one of them is right?"

"Umm…" Lambdadelta said slowly.

"We are unsure" Bernkastel admitted, "In all the games that I have witnessed, no one has ever up with a theory this convoluted. We might have to flip a coin to decide"

"Is not times a million!"

"Is to times endless infinity!"

"Is," Battler suddenly stopped as he saw a white substance appear in from of him, "Is that snow?"

"Don't try to distract me boy. I…wait, it is snow"

Despite it being an indoor room, snowflakes were now slowly falling from the ceiling down on to the floor. At the same time the lights on the Christmas started shining twice as bright and soothing Christmas music filled everyone's ears and hearts.

"It can't be," Lambdadelta gasped, "Bernkastel is this?"

"It is. This is Christmas magic"

"What's that?" Ange asked

"Christmas magic is one of the ultimate forms of magic in existence, rivalling even the power of the endless witch. I believe that its appearance means that the game had been rendered null and void" Virgilia explained.

"What? But I was just about to win!" Beatrice protested.

"No I was!" Battler cried out.

Bernkastel cut the two of them off before they could start arguing gain. "You two do realize there are presents underneath the tree now, right?"

"Presents?" Both opponents asked instantly forgetting about their fight.

By some strange twist of a holiday miracle, which in no way was acknowledging magic, there was a gift for everyone under the tree.

Gaap received a brand new deluxe makeup set while Ronvoe got an apron which truthfully said on it that he was the world's greatest magical chef. There were a bunch of carrots for the Siestas and fur brushes so the goat butlers could keep looking all nice and tidy. Virgilia was happy to receive a copy of the acclaimed book, 'Chicken Soup for the Witch's Soul'.

Beatrice was also given a book only hers was called, '101 Ways to Get a Man to Acknowledge You'. The endless witch quickly opened and the first page and started to read. "Tip one: Wear very sexy and revealing clothing"

The stakes of purgatory were overjoyed when they discovered a life size stuffed Battler doll that they could hug, cuddle, or torture as much they want. The sisters quickly got into a fight concerning who would play with the doll first. It was a few minutes before they realized that there were more gifts under the tree and that each of the sisters had gotten their own doll. A minute after that, they started fighting over whose doll was the cutest.

Lambdadelta had the largest gift and it turned out to be a statue of her with a pedestal and everything. The witch immediately began boosting of how perfect and lovely she looked in the black marble sculpture. No one had the heart to tell her that the statue was actually made out of coal preferring to laugh at her when she didn't notice.

In contrast Bernkastel had the smallest present: episode seven of Umineko no Naku Koro ni. No one else in the room was quite sure what that was but since the witch was smiling and kept saying something about an easy victory, they all assumed it was a good thing.

Ange stared blankly at the open box that contained her gift, a brand new set of clothes. It was actually a complete outfit, the exact same one that all the stakes wore.

"That will look great on you" Mammon called out to her friend before going back to her fight.

"Of course it will" Ange muttered sarcastically as she closed the box once more. Although, she did have to admit that it was an improvement over socks.

But it was Battler, our main character, who received the most important gift, one that really revealed the true meaning of the holiday season.

"No way, it's a year's subscription to Playsorcerer magazine!"

Battler was holding up the first issue that featured Siesta 00 in a cute pose on the cover wearing only her eye patch. As he was drooling he saw a small piece of paper fall out of the magazine and land on the floor. Picking it up he noticed that there was a note on it and quickly read it.

Merry Christmas Battler…From Santa

PS: If I ever find out that you have accused me of being a mass murderer again then I will gouge out you eyeballs with a candy cane and stuff your stomach intestines with enough Christmas sweets in order to guarantee that you will end up sinking into the deepest level of hell after I toss you off of my sleigh while it is fifty feet up in the air and over the Pacific ocean. HoHoHo, you better watch out you damn punk_. _

Battler dropped the note and the magazine, a scared look on his face.

'_This is not good. Maybe the Easter Bunny is more understanding about this sort of thing'_ he thought as he wondered how he could get Beato to change the holiday for the next game.


End file.
